A dose of guilt anyone...

Let's talk about the trap of guilt and how this is something that touches so many of our lives. The feeling of not doing enough, not being enough, being too selfish, being self-centred. Or perhaps the shoulds are in the mix; I should have done more, said more, helped more. The spiral of the shoulda, woulda, coulda. Then add in the cost of taking these things on and then replaying the situations, outcomes and events... often bound by a sinking feeling, one that costs us our peace and joy.
 
So… here's what my client sent from his notes during our session:
 
“We hide out in guilt. Guilt is tricking you. Guilt drops you. We go to guilt to drop. What's the pay off in guilt? The payoff is hiding out”. Yours truly.
 
What do I mean by this.. allow me to break it down.
 
We hide out in guilt 

Is it ok to live your life the way you choose to live you life, or do you feel guilt because it’s ‘not how things are done’.
Is what you are doing living a life from truth, purpose, healing, love and harmony. Or are you purposefully choosing to live your life to harm others, to trick others, to lie, to cause disharmony, OR, are those who respond (perhaps more so react) not accepting of your way of life?
 
Guilt is tricking you

Guilt can also be a response to manipulation and control. I'm sure you are familiar with the term 'guilt trip', this is what I'm talking about here. Be it emotional manipulation, control of how you are behaving, the choices you are making because it will impact ‘x’?  Does that come from a place of empowered communication, a place where you are free to choose, a place that feels free of imposition? Or is it tricking you?
 
Guilt drops you 

When we take on feeling guilt, we actually drop into an emotional response. Generally emotions that have us feel like we are in sympathy, or some may call it empathy. (Note - compassion is my approach as it's focus is the highest level of understanding, without getting in the mud). Question where you go - Does that help? Or does it make you feel emotional? Do you then respond from a place of truth or obligation?
 
We go to guilt to drop 

Oh this one is a sneaky one. So, what does it mean to say we go to guilt to drop? Sometimes we just don’t want to take full ownership and responsibility for our choices. We can feel guilty as we are loving life, and the other person is not. Or we are feeling strong and steady, and the other person is not. Or we can do something the other person wants to do, but can’t… so we will intentionally drop, bound by guilt we dull down our shine.
 
What’s the payoff in guilt? 

We get to stay small. We get to avoid the energy of jealousy or competition from others. We get to avoid confrontation from others. We get to stay under the radar and not rattle any cages. We get to ‘appear’ the good guy or girl, the saviour, we get acknowledged, we get praised, we get apparent love and acceptance. We feel worthy. Which is why there's a payoff, called hiding. 

Now for the record, I’m not saying any of what I have shared above is to be read as an excuse for not being in service, what I'm offering is there is a true way; a way free of guilt. A true call for us to be responsible, to step up, to lean in, to help out, to be in service. A truth that has no agenda, no neediness, no expectations.  That if it’s done from choice (and not obligation), it will be effortless. A movement that is ultimately enriching for all involved.  And who doesn’t want that!

Is it maybe time to break some aspects of the guilt cycle?

Love large, 
Lara XO
 
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